Hedge Words and Inflation Words: Prune Them From Your Writing

prune unnecessary words

Today’s guest post is by editor Jessi Rita Hoffman (@JRHwords).


As writers, we all know wordiness is something to avoid: never say in ten words what you can say in four. But while we get that in theory, it’s often hard, in practice, to produce tight writing. We look at the sentences on the page, suspecting they are verbose, but don’t know what to change or to eliminate. Learning that is part of the art and craft of writing, of course, and no one blog post can identify all the secrets. But as a book editor who sees lots of writers make many identical mistakes, I’d like to highlight two common writing flaws that clutter the manuscripts of many aspiring authors. I call these culprits “hedge words” and “inflation words.”

Inflation Words: The Problem

Inflation words are intensifiers a writer adds to a sentence in an effort to make something he wrote sound punchier. Very, extremely, highly, truly, literally, precisely, key, and totally are examples of inflation words. The author hopes that by using them, the point she is making will carry more weight, or have more intensity, but the opposite usually results. It’s true that used sparingly, a well-placed intensifier can add flavor, like a dash of salt on one’s food. But when paragraphs are laden with intensifiers, word inflation results. Everything said is so overemphasized that readers become desensitized. You’re shouting so loud that nobody can hear. You’ve spiced the soup so heavily that no one knows if it’s turkey noodle or beef barley under there. The boy has called, “Wolf!” too often, and no one is listening anymore.

Some aspiring authors do the same thing with italics and bolding that others do with inflation words: they overuse them to the point where, when they really want to emphasize something, there’s no way to make it stand out (because everything has been made to stand out). That’s when some writers, in frustration, add underlining to the mix, or all capital letters, or (God forbid) an increase in font size, and soon the manuscript has the visual appearance of a sign or a flier. Or maybe it looks like something a middle-schooler wrote, complete with !!! or !?! at the end of the sentences. Uh-oh, not good!

Inflation Words: The Cure

Instead of trying to prop up weak writing with inflation words or heavy formatting tricks, achieve emphasis in a controlled and tasteful way by selecting the single, precise word that perfectly conveys the flavor you intend to express. For example, replace very confidently with boldly. Replace extremely clever with genius. You don’t need to add an intensifier if the word you select in the first place has the intensity you’re looking for.

Alternatively, sometimes emphasis is better achieved by understatement—by dressing the writing down and making it less blustering. Very important to note becomes, simply, the words you want the reader to note, without the bombastic prelude.

Hedge Words: The Problem

On the other end of the inflation/deflation spectrum, we have authors who prefer to use hedge words: words that deflate the power of the writing by qualifying or limiting other words in the vicinity. These are the hesitant writers, who feel shy about making their points boldly. They are apt to couch their sentences in apologetic words like: generally, more or less, relatively, seems to, on average, potentially, and usually. This, of course, weakens the power of the point they are making, because it sounds to readers like the writer himself isn’t convinced of the truth of what he’s saying.

Hedge words show up more in nonfiction than in fiction, but sometimes even fiction writers over-qualify what they are saying. If hedge words are allowed to proliferate in descriptive writing, they weaken the power of the image the author intends to create.

It’s not that these limiting words are intrinsically “bad”—hedge words certainly have their place, particularly in mathematical and scientific writing. It’s also fine to use them in ordinary prose so long as you do it occasionally and when qualification is needed for accuracy. But if you notice limiting qualifiers sprinkled liberally across all of your paragraphs, you suffer from the malady of being a hedge-words writer.

Hedge Words: The Cure

The cure for deflationary writing is to relax and have more faith in your readers. They know when you write “a thousand soldiers came over the hill” that you mean more or less a thousand. They know when you write that Marilyn rises on weekends after the sun comes up that you mean she does this generally. Those qualifiers (more or less and generally) are understood without being explicitly stated. If you do include them, it may sound like a bigger deal than you meant. We think you’re implying some soldiers perhaps have gone AWOL and that Marilyn is erratic in her sleeping habits. If you’re a hedge-word enthusiast, take a breath, be bold, and trust your readers’ intelligence.

Taking Inventory

Look at some samples of your own writing, and see if inflation words or hedge words frequently appear there. If they do, that awareness alone will help you start to catch yourself. I know, for instance, that I tend to err in the direction of word inflation. I had to delete really, truly, and highly several times from this post. But because I’m sensitized to my personal tendency to overemphasize, I’m able to catch myself and remove that flaw from my writing.

(Confession: I did allow myself one well-placed really in this article—did you catch it?—even though it’s an inflation word. Remember: it’s perfectly fine to use both inflation words and hedge words so long as you do so judiciously and rarely. Like germs that are always with us, inflation words and hedge words only become a problem if they multiply.)

Below is a list I’ve compiled of common hedge words and inflation words. Can you think of any I missed?

Common Inflation Words

  • Very
  • Highly
  • Extremely
  • Literally
  • Truly
  • Really
  • Totally
  • Greatly
  • Key
  • Immediately
  • Suddenly
  • Precisely
  • Absolutely
  • Intrinsically
  • Very important to note
  • Specific key concept

Common Hedge Words

  • Usually
  • Generally
  • Relatively
  • Almost
  • At least
  • Nearly
  • Roughly
  • Typically
  • Potentially
  • Ultimately
  • Around
  • Approximately
  • Seems to
  • For the most part
  • More or less
  • On average
  • Nearly
  • In the neighborhood of
  • Upwards of

If you found this discussion helpful, you might enjoy another article I wrote about a related bad writing habit: Two Stammer Verbs to Avoid in Your Fiction.

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Patsy Trench

Excellent advice. I have more hedge words: rather, slightly, on the whole, sort of, you could say .. the list goes on. My writing is full of them. Heavy editing follows. Thank you.

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Patsy

Good additions to the list! Thanks.

Jessi

Melissa

Nice list. I wanted to quibble with one on your hedge list: seemed to. In Third Limited, each scene is strictly in the perspective of one character. It’s common to, for example, say “The old man seemed nervous.” Yes, we can show nervous behavior, but sometimes it’s important for the pov character to notice and make judgments about other characters. To replace “seemed to” with a direct description is to jump into the other character’s pov.

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Melissa

Your comment illustrates one of my article’s important points: that hedge words and inflation words are not inherently “evil” and certainly have a place in our writing when used judiciously. The problem is that we tend to use these words unconsciously, even compulsively. The important thing is to become sensitive to the issue, so we can stop doing that. It certainly would be a mistake to go to the other extreme and delete all instances of these words from our manuscripts.

In the case of “seems to,” an example of its misuse would be to write, “Melissa, you seem to make a good point,” instead of simply saying, “Melissa, you make a good point.”

Jessi

Scott

Nonfiction writer here. I have an extreme tendency to do both, which I’ve recognized over the years. I try to be extremely precise, which drives the hedge words in particular. (See? “Particular” I overuse that word a lot.)

Aside from an awareness of this tendency as I rewrite, I rely on a three-layered editing process using different software. After I’ve gotten the text as good as I can with multiple reviews/rewriting, I then:

Run Word spell-check, which includes a few grammar suggestions. Just common sense to do that.

Then I start up my Grammarly extension within Word and comb through it all again.

Then I paste each section into Hemingway and consider each suggestion.

I never accept what these programs say to do without question, but it’s away to get another perspective to consider, like having an editor offer suggestions to tighten up my writing. There is a cost associated with Grammarly and Hemingway, but for me it’s worth it.

Carrie Nichols

Scott, have you ever used SmartEdit? I use it and like it but was wondering if Hemingway is better or if they accomplish the same thing.

Scott

Never heard of SmartEdit before but just looked at their site. Both Grammarly and Hemingway do provide suggestions, which it appears that SmartEdit does not. Grammarly seems to me to be more focused on words and phrases. Hemingway considers entire paragraphs. I like the contrast between the two.

Grammarly will point out that a particular adverb should be dropped, but Hemingway will tell you how many adverbs are contained within a sample of writing and whether it’s getting excessive.

I learned not to put my entire piece of writing into Hemingway and then make changes and export it back out…turned it into a mess. So I paste in each section, look at what it highlights, and make changes in my original document.

I also like that you can turn on Grammarly for anything you write on your screen, such as emails…or this comment. (It’s pointed out several mistakes as I write this.) I tend to drop letters from words when first writing and this helps me avoid that in real time.

Carrie Nichols

Thanks for the info! And you’re right, SmartEdit doesn’t make suggestions just points things out. I will check both Grammarly and Hemingway.

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Scott

Actually, your use of “particular” was perfect in that sentence. It would have been a mistake to delete it just because it’s “a hedge word.” I’m always a little worried that writers, in their zeal to do things right, may take my advice to the extreme and delete things from their writing that are perfectly legitimate and actually make their sentence worse in the process. Never be fundamentalist about an editor’s advice, just as you never would take suggestions from those software programs unquestioningly. Thanks for your comment, and have fun with your writing!

Jessi

Carrie Nichols

Great article and a good reminder. I know about these words but it’s amazing how many can slip past even using SmartEdit. Thanks!

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Carrie

The software programs don’t check for hedge words and inflation words. But remember that SOME use of them is in order. It would be a mistake to root them out of your writing entirely.

Jessi

Morgan H.

So true! Always an important step.

Chiming in here to add my top two: ‘just’ and ‘a bit’.

I’m pretty atrocious with them, but now I know to go back through and clear those out.

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Morgan

I tend to overdo “just” myself. I’m constantly weeding it out of my sentences. Remember, though, that not EVERY use of those words is inappropriate. Hedge words and inflation words DO have a LIMITED place in our writing.

Jessi

Morgan H.

Definitely! But I like to get a full count before I start counting and mark it as SUCCESS if I cut half of them.

So, in a 80,000 word novel, cutting from 475 instances to 198 is very satisfying.

Sheila

You didn’t need “explicitly.” If it’s “stated,” it’s explicit!

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Sheila

Actually, “explicitly” IS needed in the sentence you refer to, as the meaning would be less clear without it. Thanks for your comment.

Jessi

Kelly Kandra Hughes

As a recovering academic, I taught the necessity of using hedge words for years. I bet some of my former students can still hear me harping now, ” You can’t prove anything with statistics! ALWAYS HEDGE!” They’ve been my most difficult habit to break now that I’ve transitioned to fiction writing.

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Hi Kelly

Your comment brought a chuckle. Academic writing is one place where hedge words are likely to be appropriate.

My best,
Jessi

Cathy Shouse

Jessi, I enjoyed your article. Also, your answers to other comments have been helpful. I tend to take things literally, and am prone to remove all “bad” words, leaving my writing overly stark. (Can I use “overly?”) How do you think the importance of writing naturally plays into this discussion, if it does? There’s a flow that can be lost when we edit too much (and I’ve been accused of this). Do you think genre is a factor? As a romance writer, would it be okay to say, “Intuitively, she knew he couldn’t be serious, but she really wanted to believe him.”

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Dear Cathy,

Yes, yes, and yes! “Overly” is fine for the context you used it in — so is the “literally” in that sentence (although “literally” is on that list of inflation words). I cringe when I think of authors “removing all ‘bad’ words,” as you put it. I’ve had beginning authors submit manuscripts to me for editing that are so stripped bare they are almost not readable English. One lady even left out prepositions — one of the necessary structures of the English language — because somewhere she had read that prepositions are bad. That’s like cutting off your fingers because somebody told you bone spurs are bad. Beware of being a grammar fundamentalist! Perhaps I should write another post about this danger. Extremes in either direction are to be avoided, and no one should EVER delete a word just because it’s on some “list.” By all means, write naturally above all else. And don’t edit your own work while you’re writing, or the inner critic will cramp your creativity. Write naturally and spontaneously, and only after you’re finished should you revisit the page or chapter with your editor’s hat on, to decide what needs improving. Your point is well made, that to some extent genre may be a factor. Romance novels are gushier than other sorts of fiction, and the “really” in your example sentence might be fine for that genre. You could also write the sentence without the “really,” but that would give it a different flavor. You’d make the decision based on the flavor you are looking for. Thank you for your insightful remarks!

Jessi

Cathy Shouse

You are good! I didn’t think about “literally.” I still like “really” in my example. To show emotion, I might up the ante and say, “she really, really wanted to believe him.” Just saying “she wanted to believe him” doesn’t show the depth of her desire. “She wanted a piece of gum.” I imagine you are cringing, but “fluff” words seem appropriate for characterization. I’m wondering if anyone has studied how much people use those in real life. That would be interesting. I totally agree with your article, and I’m intentionally leaving in “totally,” especially with nonfiction writing. Fiction might be different. In an interview of novelist John Sandford, who won a Putlizer Prize in nonfiction as John Camp, he said a nonfiction writer will normally write a story way too short for a novel, at first. I’m sure that is not all about leaving in hedge words and inflation words, but it made me think. I (really) appreciate this conversation. (Maybe I just really like really!)

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Your comments provide some excellent perspective. I wouldn’t go so far, though, as to say that “fluff words seem appropriate for characterization.” In romance writing, you can get away with more of that than usual, but then again, do you want to write pulp fiction or romance novels that are a cut above? The better romances don’t rely on fluff words to describe their characters. They dig deeper than that.

Freddy G. Cabrera

Hey Jessi!

I love your blog post here!

This is such valuable education for the writers and bloggers. Using the right words and in the right context can make a difference in your content’s performance.

I was not paying very much attention to the words I use in my content until I came across this blog post. I’ve learned a lot here.

Thank you so much for sharing these valuable tips, Jessi!

Best regards! 😀

Jessi Rita Hoffman

Freddy, you are most welcome! I’m glad you liked the post!

Jessi

Julie H. Ferguson

Superb! Thanks!

Jessi Rita Hoffman

My pleasure, Julie.