Today’s guest post is by editor Jessi Rita Hoffman (@JRHwords).
As writers, we all know wordiness is something to avoid: never say in ten words what you can say in four. But while we get that in theory, it’s often hard, in practice, to produce tight writing. We look at the sentences on the page, suspecting they are verbose, but don’t know what to change or to eliminate. Learning that is part of the art and craft of writing, of course, and no one blog post can identify all the secrets. But as a book editor who sees lots of writers make many identical mistakes, I’d like to highlight two common writing flaws that clutter the manuscripts of many aspiring authors. I call these culprits “hedge words” and “inflation words.”
Inflation Words: The Problem
Inflation words are intensifiers a writer adds to a sentence in an effort to make something he wrote sound punchier. Very, extremely, highly, truly, literally, precisely, key, and totally are examples of inflation words. The author hopes that by using them, the point she is making will carry more weight, or have more intensity, but the opposite usually results. It’s true that used sparingly, a well-placed intensifier can add flavor, like a dash of salt on one’s food. But when paragraphs are laden with intensifiers, word inflation results. Everything said is so overemphasized that readers become desensitized. You’re shouting so loud that nobody can hear. You’ve spiced the soup so heavily that no one knows if it’s turkey noodle or beef barley under there. The boy has called, “Wolf!” too often, and no one is listening anymore.
Some aspiring authors do the same thing with italics and bolding that others do with inflation words: they overuse them to the point where, when they really want to emphasize something, there’s no way to make it stand out (because everything has been made to stand out). That’s when some writers, in frustration, add underlining to the mix, or all capital letters, or (God forbid) an increase in font size, and soon the manuscript has the visual appearance of a sign or a flier. Or maybe it looks like something a middle-schooler wrote, complete with !!! or !?! at the end of the sentences. Uh-oh, not good!
Inflation Words: The Cure
Instead of trying to prop up weak writing with inflation words or heavy formatting tricks, achieve emphasis in a controlled and tasteful way by selecting the single, precise word that perfectly conveys the flavor you intend to express. For example, replace very confidently with boldly. Replace extremely clever with genius. You don’t need to add an intensifier if the word you select in the first place has the intensity you’re looking for.
Alternatively, sometimes emphasis is better achieved by understatement—by dressing the writing down and making it less blustering. Very important to note becomes, simply, the words you want the reader to note, without the bombastic prelude.
Hedge Words: The Problem
On the other end of the inflation/deflation spectrum, we have authors who prefer to use hedge words: words that deflate the power of the writing by qualifying or limiting other words in the vicinity. These are the hesitant writers, who feel shy about making their points boldly. They are apt to couch their sentences in apologetic words like: generally, more or less, relatively, seems to, on average, potentially, and usually. This, of course, weakens the power of the point they are making, because it sounds to readers like the writer himself isn’t convinced of the truth of what he’s saying.
Hedge words show up more in nonfiction than in fiction, but sometimes even fiction writers over-qualify what they are saying. If hedge words are allowed to proliferate in descriptive writing, they weaken the power of the image the author intends to create.
It’s not that these limiting words are intrinsically “bad”—hedge words certainly have their place, particularly in mathematical and scientific writing. It’s also fine to use them in ordinary prose so long as you do it occasionally and when qualification is needed for accuracy. But if you notice limiting qualifiers sprinkled liberally across all of your paragraphs, you suffer from the malady of being a hedge-words writer.
Hedge Words: The Cure
The cure for deflationary writing is to relax and have more faith in your readers. They know when you write “a thousand soldiers came over the hill” that you mean more or less a thousand. They know when you write that Marilyn rises on weekends after the sun comes up that you mean she does this generally. Those qualifiers (more or less and generally) are understood without being explicitly stated. If you do include them, it may sound like a bigger deal than you meant. We think you’re implying some soldiers perhaps have gone AWOL and that Marilyn is erratic in her sleeping habits. If you’re a hedge-word enthusiast, take a breath, be bold, and trust your readers’ intelligence.
Taking Inventory
Look at some samples of your own writing, and see if inflation words or hedge words frequently appear there. If they do, that awareness alone will help you start to catch yourself. I know, for instance, that I tend to err in the direction of word inflation. I had to delete really, truly, and highly several times from this post. But because I’m sensitized to my personal tendency to overemphasize, I’m able to catch myself and remove that flaw from my writing.
(Confession: I did allow myself one well-placed really in this article—did you catch it?—even though it’s an inflation word. Remember: it’s perfectly fine to use both inflation words and hedge words so long as you do so judiciously and rarely. Like germs that are always with us, inflation words and hedge words only become a problem if they multiply.)
Below is a list I’ve compiled of common hedge words and inflation words. Can you think of any I missed?
Common Inflation Words
- Very
- Highly
- Extremely
- Literally
- Truly
- Really
- Totally
- Greatly
- Key
- Immediately
- Suddenly
- Precisely
- Absolutely
- Intrinsically
- Very important to note
- Specific key concept
Common Hedge Words
- Usually
- Generally
- Relatively
- Almost
- At least
- Nearly
- Roughly
- Typically
- Potentially
- Ultimately
- Around
- Approximately
- Seems to
- For the most part
- More or less
- On average
- Nearly
- In the neighborhood of
- Upwards of
If you found this discussion helpful, you might enjoy another article I wrote about a related bad writing habit: Two Stammer Verbs to Avoid in Your Fiction.
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40 Comments on "Hedge Words and Inflation Words: Prune Them From Your Writing"
Excellent advice. I have more hedge words: rather, slightly, on the whole, sort of, you could say .. the list goes on. My writing is full of them. Heavy editing follows. Thank you.
Hi Patsy
Good additions to the list! Thanks.
Jessi
Nice list. I wanted to quibble with one on your hedge list: seemed to. In Third Limited, each scene is strictly in the perspective of one character. It’s common to, for example, say “The old man seemed nervous.” Yes, we can show nervous behavior, but sometimes it’s important for the pov character to notice and make judgments about other characters. To replace “seemed to” with a direct description is to jump into the other character’s pov.
Scott, have you ever used SmartEdit? I use it and like it but was wondering if Hemingway is better or if they accomplish the same thing.
Thanks for the info! And you’re right, SmartEdit doesn’t make suggestions just points things out. I will check both Grammarly and Hemingway.
Hi Scott
Actually, your use of “particular” was perfect in that sentence. It would have been a mistake to delete it just because it’s “a hedge word.” I’m always a little worried that writers, in their zeal to do things right, may take my advice to the extreme and delete things from their writing that are perfectly legitimate and actually make their sentence worse in the process. Never be fundamentalist about an editor’s advice, just as you never would take suggestions from those software programs unquestioningly. Thanks for your comment, and have fun with your writing!
Jessi
Great article and a good reminder. I know about these words but it’s amazing how many can slip past even using SmartEdit. Thanks!
Hi Carrie
The software programs don’t check for hedge words and inflation words. But remember that SOME use of them is in order. It would be a mistake to root them out of your writing entirely.
Jessi
So true! Always an important step.
Chiming in here to add my top two: ‘just’ and ‘a bit’.
I’m pretty atrocious with them, but now I know to go back through and clear those out.
Hi Morgan
I tend to overdo “just” myself. I’m constantly weeding it out of my sentences. Remember, though, that not EVERY use of those words is inappropriate. Hedge words and inflation words DO have a LIMITED place in our writing.
Jessi
Definitely! But I like to get a full count before I start counting and mark it as SUCCESS if I cut half of them.
So, in a 80,000 word novel, cutting from 475 instances to 198 is very satisfying.
You didn’t need “explicitly.” If it’s “stated,” it’s explicit!
Hi Sheila
Actually, “explicitly” IS needed in the sentence you refer to, as the meaning would be less clear without it. Thanks for your comment.
Jessi
As a recovering academic, I taught the necessity of using hedge words for years. I bet some of my former students can still hear me harping now, ” You can’t prove anything with statistics! ALWAYS HEDGE!” They’ve been my most difficult habit to break now that I’ve transitioned to fiction writing.
Hi Kelly
Your comment brought a chuckle. Academic writing is one place where hedge words are likely to be appropriate.
My best,
Jessi
Your comments provide some excellent perspective. I wouldn’t go so far, though, as to say that “fluff words seem appropriate for characterization.” In romance writing, you can get away with more of that than usual, but then again, do you want to write pulp fiction or romance novels that are a cut above? The better romances don’t rely on fluff words to describe their characters. They dig deeper than that.
Hey Jessi!
I love your blog post here!
This is such valuable education for the writers and bloggers. Using the right words and in the right context can make a difference in your content’s performance.
I was not paying very much attention to the words I use in my content until I came across this blog post. I’ve learned a lot here.
Thank you so much for sharing these valuable tips, Jessi!
Best regards! 😀
Freddy, you are most welcome! I’m glad you liked the post!
Jessi
Superb! Thanks!
My pleasure, Julie.
Thanks very much for this excellent advice!
You’re welcome! I’m glad you found it helpful, Britta.
You reiterate one of the points made in the article. Scientific papers are an exception to the rule that we have been discussing here.
[…] we’re done writing, we need to clean up our manuscript. Jessi Rita Hoffman has hedge words and inflation words to beware of, Elisa Beatty tells us how to get tight without losing any of the story, Jami Gold […]
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I write mystery novels featuring sheriff’s detectives. Their dialog must be concise and targeted. As a retired police dispatcher, I have to fight my natural tendency to “hedge.” I have a post-it list on my monitor and do a search for them at the end of my first draft. Now, I need to add more words. Thanks for the timely and informative post!
I’ll bet your work experience gives you some interesting story ideas! Thanks for your comment, Thonie.
I was fortunate to take several classes with Lisa Medway through UCLA’s Writers’ Program. She called inflation words “Words with no nutritional value, like styrofoam peanuts that bloat your writing.” I keep this list next to my computer: HOWEVER, BUT, EVE, STILL, REALLY, JUST, SO, SUCH, MUCH, WELL, SOME, MORE, IN THE MEANTIME, MEANWHILE, ANYWAY, EVEN, VERY, ALWAYS, SOMETIMES. Thank you for the informative article. I have words to add to the list.
I cringe when I see the word “unexpectedly” in obituaries. Do we not expect everyone alive now to die at some point (although perhaps not on the day in question)? This is one case where the inflationary “suddenly” might be appropriate. As a non-fiction article writer whose editors set a word limit, I have become ruthless in eliminating unnecessary words of all types.
Busted! I’m aware of inflation words and do a pretty good job (oops – hedging!) of avoiding them, but I’m guilty of overusing italics for emphasis. Thanks for the heads up.
Great examples. Why is ‘Somewhat’ not included – that one is much used by some writers and I hate it!