Don’t Feel Guilty About “Playing Around” Online

Chiang Mai wat and yellow buddha
Inside a Buddhist temple in Chiang Mai, Thailand

“The master in the art of living makes little distinction between his work and his play, his labor and his leisure, his mind and his body, his education and his recreation, his love and his religion. He hardly knows which is which. He simply pursues his vision of excellence at whatever he does, leaving others to decide whether he is working or playing. To him he is always doing both.”

Lawrence Pearsall Jacks

 

What’s the most common advice you hear at writing conferences? That it all takes a lot of work. That there aren’t any shortcuts. That you have to put in the time.

Of course, that’s common advice about all types of things in life. People even talk about how much work is required for lasting, romantic relationships.

I don’t want to pick an argument with those who defend the value of good, hard work.

However, I would like everyone to stop feeling guilty about the time they spend “playing” online—especially on social media.

Yes, of course it’s possible to waste a lot of time on such things. But it’s also possible to PLAY and WORK at the same time.

If your play is building stronger connections to other people, opening your mind up to new possibilities, spreading the word about what you do, or helping you understand things about yourself and your writing, then continue to play.

If your play is allowing your mind time to work out difficult problems, giving you an opportunity to recharge, or reducing stress, then continue to play.

If your play is not at all serious or productive, and has no point whatsoever, then continue to play. That is real play, after all. (And sometimes, as Americans, we’re just too damn serious and insistent on productivity.)

Caveat: There’s a difference between play and escaping from or avoiding things we fear.

Hopefully you know the difference. (Refer to the quote above.)

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Val

An absolutely fantastic post. I am going to print this and tack it to my bulletin board (a place where I gather together my inspirations!).

Well said and I hope others will be set free as I was!

Jane Friedman

Excellent! That’s my mission. To free up people from guilt. It’s amazing how much more productive we can be without it.

Pocketapocketaqueep

Good points. I am a writer and I have ADHD. This means I have ample gifts of procrastination and work avoidance. I find this a difficult question since, having ADHD, I find holding down one job and maintaining some kind of order in my own thoughts, feelings and imagination very difficult without trying then to do the work required to write. Being insensitive to all kinds of foods-yeast, sugars, dairy, preservatives and colours etc all trigger a busy head, an agitated restlessness, Walter Mitty/Billy Fisher type intrusive daydreams and an abstract anger-means that I need to cook daily & organise my eating against all the natural inclinations of my mind. Focusing on anything means burning energy I don’t feel like I have access to.

What all this means is that simply to function takes great reserves of discipline and I do myself sometimes fall into the trap of trying to make every second productive-learning German in breaks and short unoccupied moments, trying to cook or dictate longhand notes when I’m tired.

Part of this is that, quite aside from being/having ADD I have asperger’s syndrome where such productivity-driven thinking is relatively common. Whatever the cause, I am somebody who needs to remind myself of the importance if relaxation-even if I have to trick myself into enjoying a whole film (!) or watching television by telling myself I’ll be more productive later. But if the origins if this malaise are peculiar to the quirks of my own mental wiring, the phenomenon of the avoidance if play are not.

None of which may seem particularly playful. To me it was. It’s an aspergic thing.

Jane Friedman

Fascinating insight! I remember someone asked me what I did to relax. I said that I read New Yorkers. She said, “No, that’s still activity. Something totally frivolous—what do you do?” 

I said that I slept a lot. 

More seriously: I can spend a lot of frivolous time watching TV shows on DVD. That’s good relaxation. It’s different from play, though.

We all need both.

Pocketapocketaqueep

Good points. I am a writer and I have ADHD. This means I have ample gifts of procrastination and work avoidance. I find this a difficult question since, having ADHD, I find holding down one job and maintaining some kind of order in my own thoughts, feelings and imagination very difficult without trying then to do the work required to write. Being insensitive to all kinds of foods-yeast, sugars, dairy, preservatives and colours etc all trigger a busy head, an agitated restlessness, Walter Mitty/Billy Fisher type intrusive daydreams and an abstract anger-means that I need to cook daily & organise my eating against all the natural inclinations of my mind. Focusing on anything means burning energy I don’t feel like I have access to.

What all this means is that simply to function takes great reserves of discipline and I do myself sometimes fall into the trap of trying to make every second productive-learning German in breaks and short unoccupied moments, trying to cook or dictate longhand notes when I’m tired.

Part of this is that, quite aside from being/having ADD I have asperger’s syndrome where such productivity-driven thinking is relatively common. Whatever the cause, I am somebody who needs to remind myself of the importance if relaxation-even if I have to trick myself into enjoying a whole film (!) or watching television by telling myself I’ll be more productive later. But if the origins if this malaise are peculiar to the quirks of my own mental wiring, the phenomenon of the avoidance if play are not.

None of which may seem particularly playful. To me it was. It’s an aspergic thing.

Karenselliott

Thumbs up on this post! Excellent!

Jane Friedman

🙂

Janet Oakley

I’ve been up since 7:00 working and playing or playing and working as I catch up with writer friends, hit twitter for research, read articles at museum social media. What exactly am I doing? Only my Muse knows.

Jane Friedman

Exactly!

Deborah Niemann

Excellent and so true! There was one day more than a year ago when I felt guilty that I had spent way too much time online, although I had accidentally happened upon a call for speakers at the Mother Earth News Fair, which was to be held in Pennsylvania, and I suggested a couple of presentations. A couple months later, I was asked to present. And when I was speaking at the conference, an acquisitions editor from a publishing house came up to me and said she wanted to talk to me about writing a book for them. Thank goodness I had spent too much time online and found that call for speakers! My book, Homegrown and Handmade, will be in bookstores in about six weeks!

Jane Friedman

Fabulous story! I often try to convey to writers how opportunities can fall into your lap when you’re active and aware online. This is a perfect example. I love stories of how people reach their goals by the most unlikely and unexpected paths.

Anonymous

Thanks for the clarification. I am reminded of my education in child psychology… children learn through play. That is the reason humans play long into adulthood. The more creative the individual, the more passion for play. And silly is good too. IMHO. 

Jane Friedman

Agree 100%  🙂

Nathalie Lussier

This is my first time here, but I wanted to say “hear hear!” 🙂 I love the idea of combining work and play, it’s definitely one way to keep things fresh, and open yourself up to new points of view. 

And double brownie points for the distinction between play and avoidance!

Jane Friedman

Thanks for taking the time to comment on your first visit! 🙂

Jeanne

The work/play question? Word work has been my play for several years. It’s better than dusting and vacuuming the house, but this classifies as avoidance. My friends don’t mind. They’re mostly painters and writers, and hardly notice the paper piles in my house.
I find the internet great for research. Learned only a year ago that I worked for a notorious Mafia figures in New York. One of his cousins ran the club where I waitressed, danced and sang when in my twenties. Now there’s a good start for a story, thanks to “playing” on the computer.

Jane Friedman

🙂

Anonymous

The perfect article for the (almost) end of a long week! It’s easy to forget the value of “playing” online while under the pressure of deadlines.

When I read this article, I smiled like I do when one of my favorite songs comes on the radio. It’s been a nice bright spot in my day. 🙂

Jane Friedman

Best thing I could hear! Thank you!

Clare Kirkpatrick

Ooh, I like this! Thank you! You’re so right. I’ve made connections with so many wonderful people, and learnt so many fascinating things by ‘playing around’ online – all things that have helped and informed my writing. It’s all good 🙂

Jane Friedman

Thanks, Clare!